I once read about a marriage counselor who gives each partner a questionnaire before he starts their first session. One part of the survey asks about the frequency of sex in their marriage.

How often do you and your spouse have sex (circle one)?

All the time – Frequently – Average – Occasionally – Almost never – Never

How many times per week? __________________

Frequently a husband will circle “almost never,” the wife will circle “all the time,” and both will answer “2 times per week.”

Why is there often such a big gap in expectations between partners? Why are these expectations so frequently unfulfilled? What can you do about it? Read the rest of this entry

This last weekend there was a couple sitting in front of us in church.

Well, I’m guessing they were a couple.

They came in together. They left together. But they weren’t really sitting next to each other. There was room for at least two large people between them.

Both the man and the woman sat through church with folded arms. They never even turned their heads towards one another. Read the rest of this entry

I was chatting with a friend yesterday…

She isn’t looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year. Mostly it’s due to last year’s train wreck.

She works in an office with several other women. On Valentines Day, nearly everyone got a nice arrangement of flowers from their husband — some were gorgeous.

The day ticked by… Read the rest of this entry

Yesterday a reader sent me an email with the following question: ”I’m having an affair and I love my girlfriend, but I don’t want to abandon my family. What should I do?”

OK, time to step back from my emotions and try to answer this question from an objective perspective.

If you’re having an affair, you really have three choices. None of these choices is good. Unfortunately, you’ve already made a monumental bad choice, and there will be consequences for that choice. However, I’ll try to detail the three different paths below. Read the rest of this entry

I see this all the time.

One partner begins looking into their spouse’s behavior, and they are accused of being controlling or that they don’t trust their partner. Sometimes this might be true. There are other times when it’s not only OK to dig a bit, but it’s critical for the survival of your marriage.

How do you know when to dig and when to give your spouse space? Read the rest of this entry

For years, everything has seemed OK in your marriage. Sure, you’ve had a few issues, but nothing out of the ordinary. Your marriage is pretty normal.

Suddenly your husband seems distant

However, you sense a sudden change. You think, “my husband seems distant.” Without any real reason you can see, your husband seems emotionally distant. When you’re together, it’s almost as if he’s not “into” the moment. He seems closed-off and won’t talk about anything important. Read the rest of this entry