My husband said he hates me? Does he really, or was it just words said in a moment of anger? How many times do we say things we don’t literally mean but which can be extremely hurtful nonetheless. What brings someone to the point where they feel such frustration and fury that they say such awful things to their partner?

When a couple stop sleeping together, argue all the time and appear to have lost interest in each other, then it seems inevitable that their marriage will end in divorce. This need not necessarily be true however, and many marriages have been brought back from the brink by simply changing attitudes and expectations.

Being subservient to your partner and pleading with them can cause a great deal of damage in any partnership. You lose your dignity and self respect. If you can’t respect yourself, how can you expect your partner to do so?

Relying totally on another human being for your happiness is destructive, and will eventually kill any feelings they may have had for you.

If your husband has become distant and aloof, then the time has come to look at your behaviour and see what may have caused it. Do you cling to him too much, do you need his attention all the time, can you make decisions for yourself or do you rely totally upon him?

On the other hand have you become distant, are you not interested in listening to him any more, do you not bother with yourself, and have the children become your overriding priority to the detriment of your marriage?
Whatever the cause, there is always a way to solve the problem.

A good way to start is to make your lives more interesting. It’s easy to settle into the boring routines which can rule our lives. Get dressed up, go out with friends, laugh about stupid things, and be your own person.

An interesting person is someone who indulges in their own pursuits and is cheerful and busy. Not everything has to revolve around the home and children. You are after all a person in your own right, and need to retain a certain amount of independence.

Changing the way you look from time to time can be exciting for your husband. A new hair cut or a different dress style can make all the difference to a failing marriage.

Take an interest in his hobbies or pastimes and indulge in them together. Take up a new interest and meet friends for a night out.

Change the bedroom routine, and give your sex life a boost by dressing for the occasion, and introducing new techniques. Don’t leave it to your husband to always be the instigator of a sexual evening together. Tell him how wonderful and strong he is in bed, that’s always a good booster for his ego.

If you want to save your marriage, show your husband you love him but not in a needy way, and try to retain some mystery in the relationship.

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Will my trial marriage separation end in divorce? Yes, it will! Once you’ve reached the stage where you think the only thing to do is separate, you are almost certainly on the road of no return. Resolving problems before you get to that stage gives you a better chance of avoiding divorce.

If the marriage has, in your eyes become impossible, what makes you think that by walking away from it, albeit temporarily, it’s going to sort out the problem?

After having gone through a series of arguments and intolerable behavior, being on your own and living the single life can seem quite wonderful. However, what you’re not doing is facing up to what caused the problems and trying to resolve them.

The longer you’re away from each other, the less likely it is that you’ll get back together and try to save the marriage.

Marriage separation means you are prepared to live alone without your partner, and once this decision is made whatever caused the breakup in the first place will become less important to you and your partner, and you’ll drift apart.

It’s always best to try to solve a problem together and to realize that both of you are probably contributing to whatever difficulties you’re experiencing. If you loved one another once the chances are that love is still there but has been lost in everyday trials and tribulations.

Look back on what brought you together in the first place and try to recreate that in your lives before you decide to part. Once apart the chances of being able to do this become less and less.

Don’t pressurize each other, let things take their time, and try to be less aggressive and more understanding with each other. Even on points which you may feel quite strongly about, it’s sometimes best to agree and let it go. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you feel the relationship is worth more than any specific issue.

It’s amazing how easy it is to make someone feel good about themselves by subtly letting them think they’ve made a right decision or solved a problem. Even if you’ve really been instrumental in the end result it can work wonders with any relationship if you let your partner have that moment of glory instead.

None of this can be achieved if you’re living apart, and what you once had together will be lost forever.

Sometimes a counselor can help you to realize the potential in your marriage and this is certainly one way to go if you feel you cannot work it out together. In the end though, the solution is in both your hands.

Look at the problems in an objective manner, write them down, and then try to see if they can be resolved by working together. Give it time before making the final decision especially if there are children involved, as this will affect them adversely also.

Will my trial separation cause my marriage to end in divorce? It almost certainly will, and then there’s no going back.

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One of the best ways to make your husband happy is to laugh a lot. There is nothing worse for a husband than to be greeted by a miserable face when he comes home from work.

Before you can be happy for your husband though, you have to feel happy inside yourself. So it’s important to understand and know yourself in order to create a happy and contented home for you and your husband.

In order for you to be happy you have to enjoy the things you’re doing in your life. Work and children can take over but it’s essential you create ‘you’ time and develop your creative side. By making time to keep your hobbies alive you’ll be happier inside and it will show.

Be affectionate. There is nothing like a cuddle or a kiss to eliminate the day’s woes from your husband’s mind. If he knows he’s coming home to a loving wife and children it will cement the marriage.Keep yourself clean and attractive. Don’t let family or tiredness take away your dignity and your self esteem. Try to keep yourself looking at the very best you can so that your husband will want to be with you and can’t wait to come home.

After years of marriage this is not always easy, but it really can be achieved.

Always keep the home clean and make it a haven from the rest of the world. Keep the decor light and airy and have flowers displayed around the rooms to make them welcoming. If you can’t always afford fresh flowers, then use artificial ones and perhaps decorate them with greenery from the garden.

Take time and trouble over preparing the evening meal. A pizza is all right occasionally, but it’s hardly a romantic meal. You can plan in advance and perhaps prepare several dishes at the weekend in order to save you the time when you get home from work or from picking up the children. Think the meals through and try to choose things you know he particularly likes.

Sitting eating together is important in any marriage, as you can talk over the day’s events and laugh or cry together. Talking things over and laughing at things together can make even the bad events of the day more tolerable. Laughter is very definitely the best medicine.

Sometimes it’s good to give your husband space and quiet. He doesn’t necessarily want to hear lots of girlie gossip, save that for your friends. Silence can be a sign of affection in that you are aware of his need for solitude and quiet. Respect that and leave him to relax.

When you go out together don’t make him feel embarrassed because you are talking too loud and don’t relate private things to others.

Compliment him and let him know you appreciate how hard he works for you and your family. Don’t nag him about things he hasn’t done, rather mention in a subtle way and let him end up thinking he’s remembered it himself. A simple thing no doubt, but a good way to make your husband happy.

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Trust is a difficult think to attain and once it’s been broken is even more difficult to regain. However, if you really want to fix your marriage and save it from divorce, then you can work slowly towards creating a happy marriage once again.

The first thing to consider is what caused you to lose your trust in the first place. There has to be an understanding between both partners as to what led up to the problem. By talking about it and discussing the where’s and why’s you can work out how to try and rebuild the trust between you again.

There is no quick fix answer to lack of trust. Once you feel uncertain about your partner there is a constant feeling of doubt which is difficult to eliminate. It therefore has to be a joint effort and continuous openness in order to regain the feeling of security you once had.

Below are four ways of facing the problem and trying to overcome it:

1. You have to be prepared to forgive and to move on. If you are constantly feeling bitterness towards your spouse you will not be able to work together to rebuild the trust.
2. Talk, talk, talk. So often couples drift apart because they don’t talk to one another any more. By discussing your feelings and problems you can help each other to build a closeness and trust and feel secure in the knowledge that you’re helping each other to overcome any problems together.
3. Curb your suspicions and jealousy. Don’t watch and accuse every time your spouse is home late or spending time talking to someone else. Over possessiveness can lead to a feeling of claustrophobia and the instinct then is to run. You have to let go, and learn to trust again.
4. Try to keep the interest alive in the marriage by doing things together. Even making time to sit and dine together by candlelight one evening a week can help to reignite the romance you feel you may have lost.

Apart from your partner’s indiscretions which originally caused the problem, be it financial, another partner, or whatever other reason, you should also look to yourself. Could it be that you have in some way contributed to the situation.

Trust is a difficult thing to define, but to a certain extent we all want to feel we can rely on someone completely before we commit to them. The fact that this doesn’t always work out does not mean it can’t be rectified, and if there was once a deep love then it’s definitely worth trying to overcome the problems together for the sake of your family.

Remember though, it’s a two way solution and you must both commit to it completely for it to work. You can fix a marriage after trust has gone, but it will take time and patience and a great deal of self searching. If the love is still there it’s worth the effort.

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You are feeling your marriage has lost its spark, you’re fed up with your wife and you can’t stand all the arguments and bad feeling that seems to be the norm in your life at the moment. So you ask yourself why you shouldn’t just divorce your wife. Here are four good reasons not to.

• It has been shown that divorced men suffer more illnesses than married men. Many divorced men become depressed and withdrawn, and as a result their work suffers. A divorced man is not always looked upon as good promotional material within a company.
• If there are children in the marriage it can cause them extreme distress, and will almost certainly cause them difficulties within their future relationships. They will find themselves with divided loyalties and not know how to cope.
• The financial aspect of getting divorced can be crippling, and can cause you, your wife and your children a great deal of financial hardships.
• Divorce causes a great deal of stress all around the family concerned, and can lead to both physical and mental health problems.

Are you absolutely certain that the love you once felt and vows you took are irretrievable?

Bearing all the above points in mind, perhaps it would be wise to consider why your marriage has become impossible for you.

Financial problems are always a big strain on any marriage however perfect it may be. Nothing is insurmountable if you both love each other, and by reassessing your lifestyle and coming to terms with what is really important in your lives, i.e., each other, you can overcome and win through any financial situation as long as you do it together.
Boredom is a killer, and if you’ve allowed your marriage to settle into a rut where there are no nice surprises, and you don’t bother to look nice for each other, then you’re on a downward spiral.

If you can recognize this then you’re half way there to rectifying it. Don’t become complacent and think you don’t have to bother any more. If you want that sparkle to return then you must make it happen.

Be optimistic and talk about your future together. No matter how hopeless your situation may seem, you can turn it around if you want to. Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen.

If you’re always arguing, then ask yourself what the arguments are about. Listen to each other and if you can’t resolve a situation then ask someone else for advice if necessary. Whatever it is that’s causing such disagreements there is always a way to sort it through. Remember you loved each other once and believe that you can again.

Marriage is a commitment which once undertaken takes a great deal of work and compromise for it to become a long lasting, mutually agreeable relationship. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but in the end any relationship requires a great deal of effort to keep it alive. If you divorce your wife, it means you’ve given up on what could have been a good life.

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