We often hear the expression ‘I’m not in love any more‘ but what exactly does that mean? Initially when we ‘fall in love’ it is a feeling of euphoria and we can’t think about anything or anyone else. We become all consumed with the thought of the other person and can’t wait to see them again.
This is an exciting time in anyone’s life, but being on cloud nine cannot possibly last forever. If it did we would never get anything done, and we’d gradually wear ourselves out. But need it reach the stage where you question, should you stay married if you’re not in love anymore.
What tends to happen after a while is that you develop a mutual love and respect for each other, become close friends and want to make the other person happy. Your happiness becomes their happiness also, and you start to share the day to day happenings in your lives and learn to appreciate each other’s points of view and to know when to compromise and when to stand your ground.
Over time a deep understanding and love takes the place of the overwhelming feelings you first experienced, and, if you work at it and are lucky, your relationship grows.
Respecting each other’s opinion and points of view is all important in any relationship, and so it’s important to realize that once that respect is lost it’s very difficult to get it back.
Before you start to feel you’re not in love with your partner any more, you should ask yourself if that’s because you are unhappy with yourself, with your financial situation, or your work. If there are children in the partnership, do you feel they’ve taken over your lives and you have become strangers to one another.
Think back to when you fell in love. What has changed? Have you both settled into a rut and become bored with each other? Does this necessarily mean you don’t love one another any more?
The tedium of everyday life can take away all our romantic notions of what our lives should be about. By doing things together and talking about your feelings and fears, sometimes it can start to bring back that closeness you once had.
If you don’t eat and drink you will die. The same can be said for a partnership. If you don’t keep one another’s interest alive by sharing things and doing things together your love will wither and die. If you lose sight of what is important to make your relationship stay fresh and fun, or if you let appearance and sense of humor go you will lose one another.
At least try to see where it went wrong before you finally say you no longer love your partner and give up on your marriage.
It’s sometimes easy to give up on something when all it takes is a little time and effort and you’ll be glad you tried again. Love is a strange thing, it can be exciting it’s true, but it can also be just wanting to be in the same room as someone.
If you think back to when you first met, your love grew over time. When you first dated, you discovered the ways you connected, like friends would do. Of course, there was also passion, but the friendship is what really starts building a lasting connection. Often when these connections are gone, we tend to think it’s our love that’s faded.
The book, Save the Marriage, has some steps that anyone can take to start rebuilding these basic connections that make a marriage strong. Dr. Baucom also addresses the pitfalls – the things you shouldn’t say or do… things that will push your spouse further away. I highly recommend this book if you’d like to rediscover the love in your marriage… or even just within yourself.
For likely less than one session with a marriage counselor, Dr. Baucom’s book will walk you through months of counseling. Not only that, but right now he’s throwing in a quick-start guide to help you begin to turn things around today as well as several other valuable resources. I’ve looked at dozens of courses, guides, and books on restoring love in a marriage, and this is the only one I recommend. Click here to read more about it…
You’ll probably find that your marriage not only can be saved, but can be better than it’s ever been.
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