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4 Comments

1. Cynthia says:

   June 13, 2010 at 3:57 pm

   I need to know if my marriage is worth saving? He has confessed to cheating and I kicked him out of our home we have been seperated for a month or so, and he has turned this whole situation around he has now been worst then ever, he wont communicate leaves with his friends and other woman, turns his phone off, I recently hired a PI and caught him at a hotel with another woman he left our baby with his grandparents and came home unti 4:30 am, and he has been treating so badly with no respect or remorse for his adultry he has been extrmely distant and I’m really confuse because he says he wants to work our marriage out but won’t do anything to make things right. I am very confused and lost I don’t know what to do I really want some good advice since I read that sepration usually leads to divorce, should I just file for divorce since we are seperated and move on with my life?
2. Mary says:

   July 1, 2010 at 7:03 am

   @Cynthia- It’s always hard to answer the “what should I do” questions – especially from a distance. That said, my advice is that you need to move away from where you are. If there is movement back towards your marriage, put all of your effort into that. If not, you should probably move on.

   If you weren’t already separated, the chances would be much greater at a reconciliation.

   (P.S. I edited your name. No need to tell the whole world your problems.)
3. laura says:

   July 4, 2010 at 10:58 pm

   I am torn. I need help figuring this situation out. When my husband and I married we were both alcoholics and only dated 4 months before we got engaged. After 6 months of marriage I found out I was pregnant and we both quit drinking and smoking for good. We’ve been married for almost 3 yrs now and since I’ve been sober I’m discovering more of who I am and who I’m meant to be. I feel like I rushed into the marriage because I was not in my mind. Here’s the kicker, I’m in love with my best friend who lives 2 states away. We’ve been best friends since high school and even when I told him I was engaged we still beat around the bush about being together. Now he’s been very blunt about his love for me and I feel like I should have waited to get married because I feel in my heart my life is with him. The best thing from my marriage is my daughter and this complicates things because I want her to have both parents. I need some insight and a fresh perspective.
4. Mary says:

   July 7, 2010 at 8:25 am

   @Laura – It’s really hard to have any kind of perspective when you’re in the middle of a mess. At the same time, those (like me) who are distant from your situation might have perspective, however, there’s no way we can know all of the details.

   Unless there’s abuse, substance abuse, or criminal behavior, I always lean towards saving the marriage, especially when there are children involved. I suspect that you’re looking outside of your marriage because you feel like your marriage is missing something – or a lot of things.

   I’d like for you to try something. Please do this before making a mistake that you could regret for the rest of your life. For the next 90 days, put all of your effort into being the wife you should be. Don’t try to “fix” your husband. Don’t worry about what he is or what he isn’t. Don’t criticize him because he is doing this or isn’t doing that, and don’t worry at all about who’s doing more or or who’s doing less (around the house, with your child, in bed, etc.). Just focus on you, and try to be the best wife you can be.

   Men have a need to be respected by their wives. It’s just like your need to be listened to. Show him that your appreciate him and that you respect him, both by your actions and your words. It’s even OK to go a little overboard, but be sincere. If you put real effort into this for 90 days, I strongly suspect that the attraction for your old flame will have subsided, and thet you’ll see more of what you need in your marriage.

   There’s only so much advice I can give in comments on a blog. If you really want to make a go of your marriage, I highly recommend the following book: Save the Marriage by Dr. Le Baucom. It can help even the most broken marriage get back on track.

   Please follow up and let me (us) know how things have turned out.