When a couple stop sleeping together, argue all the time and appear to have lost interest in each other, then it seems inevitable that their marriage will end in divorce. This need not necessarily be true however, and many marriages have been brought back from the brink by simply changing attitudes and expectations.

Being subservient to your partner and pleading with them can cause a great deal of damage in any partnership. You lose your dignity and self respect. If you can’t respect yourself, how can you expect your partner to do so?

Relying totally on another human being for your happiness is destructive, and will eventually kill any feelings they may have had for you.

If your husband has become distant and aloof, then the time has come to look at your behaviour and see what may have caused it. Do you cling to him too much, do you need his attention all the time, can you make decisions for yourself or do you rely totally upon him?

On the other hand have you become distant, are you not interested in listening to him any more, do you not bother with yourself, and have the children become your overriding priority to the detriment of your marriage?
Whatever the cause, there is always a way to solve the problem.

A good way to start is to make your lives more interesting. It’s easy to settle into the boring routines which can rule our lives. Get dressed up, go out with friends, laugh about stupid things, and be your own person.

An interesting person is someone who indulges in their own pursuits and is cheerful and busy. Not everything has to revolve around the home and children. You are after all a person in your own right, and need to retain a certain amount of independence.

Changing the way you look from time to time can be exciting for your husband. A new hair cut or a different dress style can make all the difference to a failing marriage.

Take an interest in his hobbies or pastimes and indulge in them together. Take up a new interest and meet friends for a night out.

Change the bedroom routine, and give your sex life a boost by dressing for the occasion, and introducing new techniques. Don’t leave it to your husband to always be the instigator of a sexual evening together. Tell him how wonderful and strong he is in bed, that’s always a good booster for his ego.

If you want to save your marriage, show your husband you love him but not in a needy way, and try to retain some mystery in the relationship.

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If the marriage has, in your eyes become impossible, what makes you think that by walking away from it, albeit temporarily, it’s going to sort out the problem?

After having gone through a series of arguments and intolerable behavior, being on your own and living the single life can seem quite wonderful. However, what you’re not doing is facing up to what caused the problems and trying to resolve them.

The longer you’re away from each other, the less likely it is that you’ll get back together and try to save the marriage.

Marriage separation means you are prepared to live alone without your partner, and once this decision is made whatever caused the breakup in the first place will become less important to you and your partner, and you’ll drift apart.

It’s always best to try to solve a problem together and to realize that both of you are probably contributing to whatever difficulties you’re experiencing. If you loved one another once the chances are that love is still there but has been lost in everyday trials and tribulations.

Look back on what brought you together in the first place and try to recreate that in your lives before you decide to part. Once apart the chances of being able to do this become less and less.

Don’t pressurize each other, let things take their time, and try to be less aggressive and more understanding with each other. Even on points which you may feel quite strongly about, it’s sometimes best to agree and let it go. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you feel the relationship is worth more than any specific issue.

It’s amazing how easy it is to make someone feel good about themselves by subtly letting them think they’ve made a right decision or solved a problem. Even if you’ve really been instrumental in the end result it can work wonders with any relationship if you let your partner have that moment of glory instead.

None of this can be achieved if you’re living apart, and what you once had together will be lost forever.

Sometimes a counselor can help you to realize the potential in your marriage and this is certainly one way to go if you feel you cannot work it out together. In the end though, the solution is in both your hands.

Look at the problems in an objective manner, write them down, and then try to see if they can be resolved by working together. Give it time before making the final decision especially if there are children involved, as this will affect them adversely also.

Will my trial separation cause my marriage to end in divorce? It almost certainly will, and then there’s no going back.

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Before you can be happy for your husband though, you have to feel happy inside yourself. So it’s important to understand and know yourself in order to create a happy and contented home for you and your husband.

In order for you to be happy you have to enjoy the things you’re doing in your life. Work and children can take over but it’s essential you create ‘you’ time and develop your creative side. By making time to keep your hobbies alive you’ll be happier inside and it will show.

Be affectionate. There is nothing like a cuddle or a kiss to eliminate the day’s woes from your husband’s mind. If he knows he’s coming home to a loving wife and children it will cement the marriage.Keep yourself clean and attractive. Don’t let family or tiredness take away your dignity and your self esteem. Try to keep yourself looking at the very best you can so that your husband will want to be with you and can’t wait to come home.

After years of marriage this is not always easy, but it really can be achieved.

Always keep the home clean and make it a haven from the rest of the world. Keep the decor light and airy and have flowers displayed around the rooms to make them welcoming. If you can’t always afford fresh flowers, then use artificial ones and perhaps decorate them with greenery from the garden.

Take time and trouble over preparing the evening meal. A pizza is all right occasionally, but it’s hardly a romantic meal. You can plan in advance and perhaps prepare several dishes at the weekend in order to save you the time when you get home from work or from picking up the children. Think the meals through and try to choose things you know he particularly likes.

Sitting eating together is important in any marriage, as you can talk over the day’s events and laugh or cry together. Talking things over and laughing at things together can make even the bad events of the day more tolerable. Laughter is very definitely the best medicine.

Sometimes it’s good to give your husband space and quiet. He doesn’t necessarily want to hear lots of girlie gossip, save that for your friends. Silence can be a sign of affection in that you are aware of his need for solitude and quiet. Respect that and leave him to relax.

When you go out together don’t make him feel embarrassed because you are talking too loud and don’t relate private things to others.

Compliment him and let him know you appreciate how hard he works for you and your family. Don’t nag him about things he hasn’t done, rather mention in a subtle way and let him end up thinking he’s remembered it himself. A simple thing no doubt, but a good way to make your husband happy.

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The first thing to consider is what caused you to lose your trust in the first place. There has to be an understanding between both partners as to what led up to the problem. By talking about it and discussing the where’s and why’s you can work out how to try and rebuild the trust between you again.

There is no quick fix answer to lack of trust. Once you feel uncertain about your partner there is a constant feeling of doubt which is difficult to eliminate. It therefore has to be a joint effort and continuous openness in order to regain the feeling of security you once had.

Below are four ways of facing the problem and trying to overcome it:

1. You have to be prepared to forgive and to move on. If you are constantly feeling bitterness towards your spouse you will not be able to work together to rebuild the trust.
2. Talk, talk, talk. So often couples drift apart because they don’t talk to one another any more. By discussing your feelings and problems you can help each other to build a closeness and trust and feel secure in the knowledge that you’re helping each other to overcome any problems together.
3. Curb your suspicions and jealousy. Don’t watch and accuse every time your spouse is home late or spending time talking to someone else. Over possessiveness can lead to a feeling of claustrophobia and the instinct then is to run. You have to let go, and learn to trust again.
4. Try to keep the interest alive in the marriage by doing things together. Even making time to sit and dine together by candlelight one evening a week can help to reignite the romance you feel you may have lost.

Apart from your partner’s indiscretions which originally caused the problem, be it financial, another partner, or whatever other reason, you should also look to yourself. Could it be that you have in some way contributed to the situation.

Trust is a difficult thing to define, but to a certain extent we all want to feel we can rely on someone completely before we commit to them. The fact that this doesn’t always work out does not mean it can’t be rectified, and if there was once a deep love then it’s definitely worth trying to overcome the problems together for the sake of your family.

Remember though, it’s a two way solution and you must both commit to it completely for it to work. You can fix a marriage after trust has gone, but it will take time and patience and a great deal of self searching. If the love is still there it’s worth the effort.

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• It has been shown that divorced men suffer more illnesses than married men. Many divorced men become depressed and withdrawn, and as a result their work suffers. A divorced man is not always looked upon as good promotional material within a company.
• If there are children in the marriage it can cause them extreme distress, and will almost certainly cause them difficulties within their future relationships. They will find themselves with divided loyalties and not know how to cope.
• The financial aspect of getting divorced can be crippling, and can cause you, your wife and your children a great deal of financial hardships.
• Divorce causes a great deal of stress all around the family concerned, and can lead to both physical and mental health problems.

Are you absolutely certain that the love you once felt and vows you took are irretrievable?

Bearing all the above points in mind, perhaps it would be wise to consider why your marriage has become impossible for you.

Financial problems are always a big strain on any marriage however perfect it may be. Nothing is insurmountable if you both love each other, and by reassessing your lifestyle and coming to terms with what is really important in your lives, i.e., each other, you can overcome and win through any financial situation as long as you do it together.
Boredom is a killer, and if you’ve allowed your marriage to settle into a rut where there are no nice surprises, and you don’t bother to look nice for each other, then you’re on a downward spiral.

If you can recognize this then you’re half way there to rectifying it. Don’t become complacent and think you don’t have to bother any more. If you want that sparkle to return then you must make it happen.

Be optimistic and talk about your future together. No matter how hopeless your situation may seem, you can turn it around if you want to. Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen.

If you’re always arguing, then ask yourself what the arguments are about. Listen to each other and if you can’t resolve a situation then ask someone else for advice if necessary. Whatever it is that’s causing such disagreements there is always a way to sort it through. Remember you loved each other once and believe that you can again.

Marriage is a commitment which once undertaken takes a great deal of work and compromise for it to become a long lasting, mutually agreeable relationship. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but in the end any relationship requires a great deal of effort to keep it alive. If you divorce your wife, it means you’ve given up on what could have been a good life.

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As time goes by in a marriage, a man often doesn’t think it necessary to tell his wife how much he loves her. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lost interest, it’s just that men think it unnecessary to keep reassuring their spouse how much they mean to them.

Women generally are far more outgoing in expressing themselves and can’t understand why men aren’t the same, but men are generally far more reserved.

By taking care of his family and providing for them, a man is showing his love for them in the best way he can. He may not necessarily always say what you want to hear, but he will show it in the things he does for you and the children and in little gestures of affection.

If he still wants to be with you and do things together then he obviously still has the love for you or he would make excuses and not be around so much.

If you feel you’re losing his affection then try to understand what’s causing him to be distracted and do something about it. He may be preoccupied with problems at work, in which case it helps to have someone to talk it over with.
Don’t forget to greet him when he comes home with enthusiasm and a smile. How nice to open the door to a warm welcome rather than a tired and grumpy one. If you want to keep your husband’s love you have to make the home a haven at the end of the day for both of you. A happy atmosphere makes so much difference to your soul, and helps you to overcome so many things in life.

Love grows and deepens when you share things together and respect each other’s need for space. Marriage doesn’t mean you have to be in each other’s pockets all the time. Different activities and interests keep a marriage alive and make it grow.

Realizing when your husband is worried or unhappy means you care about him, and the same applies in reverse. If your husband doesn’t see when you’re unwell or feeling tired, then something is missing in your relationship and it’s time to rectify it.

Don’t take him for granted, but don’t become part of the furniture in his life either. Love has to be fed or it will die and if you are endeavouring to keep the marriage harmonious then his love will continue to thrive. You will see this in the way he looks at you, and in the things he does for you.

How do you know if he still loves you? If you laugh and love together, then you will know.

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1. If you get married thinking you can change your partner into someone else, forget it! You were undoubtedly attracted to them in the first place because of who they were, so why should you want them to change? Adapt yourself to fit in with your spouse if you want your marriage to succeed.
2. Whatever happens, don’t stop talking to each other. A problem shared is a problem halved so the saying goes, and it is definitely true in a marriage. Whatever your difficulties they can be sorted out together rather than apart.
3. Don’t stop being intimate with one another. Love and affection are so important in order to keep the spark alive in a marriage. Sex is important, but so is holding each other and considering the other’s needs and desires in a sexual relationship.
4. No-one is perfect, not even you! You should already know some of your spouse’s so called flaws before you marry, but sometimes in a domestic situation they can suddenly seem to have blown out of proportion. Learn to accept them, or subtly try to point them out, but never let them become a barrier in your relationship.
5. The worst thing anyone can do to someone close to them is to totally ignore them. The feeling of worthlessness this creates can cause a multitude of problems. In order for your marriage to remain a happy one, you must always appreciate the other’s point of view and make allowances.
6. Arguing is all part and parcel of living with someone. You can’t always agree no matter how close you are to one another. Don’t let the arguments get out of hand though, and don’t let them fester.
7. It’s important to retain the part of yourself which is outside of the marriage. So don’t let your friends disappear, keep up your relationships and spend time with them. It will also give you things to talk about when you get home.
8. Don’t take each other for granted. Don’t expect your spouse to automatically always do the chores or to accept your bad moods. Consider their feelings, and their daily tasks, and offer to help out.
9. Try to have time to yourselves when you can sit in a romantic setting and enjoy each other’s company as you did before you were married. It will remind you of why you got together in the first place, and will also help to create a deep friendship.
10. Whatever problems you encounter, and however awful they may seem at times, try to find it in your heart to forgive each other. A long and happy marriage is often built on the art of being able to forgive.

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Below are six things that can cause a marriage to disintegrate:

• Spending too much time away from home and each other, either working or mixing with friends, doesn’t help a relationship. It’s inevitable that a spouse will feel neglected and start to wonder what the attraction is that keeps you away from home.
• Sex is important in any marriage as the intimacy between two people binds you closer together. If the sex becomes less and less then the chances are your feelings for each other will diminish and you will feel isolated.
• Financial problems are often a major cause of disharmony in a marriage. However, if you don’t try to work the issues out together your marriage will not survive. The first thing to do is assess the situation and see where the problem lies. Help each other to overcome the problem and face up to whatever needs to be done.
• Don’t let yourself go. A scruffy appearance and unclean habits can be a big turn off. It really doesn’t take that much effort to keep yourself looking good and it’s as much for yourself as your partner. By making the effort every day to look your best you will feel more confident and happier inside. A disciplined daily routine can be achieved no matter what your situation and will keep your interest in each other alive.
• Being affectionate does not always come easily to some people, but if you want to retain that initial feeling you had for each other it’s important to show affection. Everyone likes to feel loved, and it’s not enough to say ‘well you know I love you’. As the song from ‘My Fair Lady’ says…..”show me!”.
• Arguments are inevitable in any marriage, but to carry the grudge around with you, and perhaps sulk for days on end, is very destructive. It builds up even more aggression and makes it impossible to let go. It really isn’t that difficult to say ’sorry’ and that one little word can make all the difference in the world.

A happy marriage is built on compromise, talking, listening, being prepared to not always be right, and sharing problems together. No problem is insurmountable if you face it together and work to ease the burden of it as one.

Marriage is not an easy institution, but then nothing that’s worthwhile ever is. You cannot expect to be happy ever after if you’re not prepared to put everything you have into the union and face up to whatever comes your way. It’s easy to lose sight of your hopes and dreams when life becomes difficult, but together you can overcome most things if you really want to.

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If you are having issues and arguments with your spouse you will want to find some good marriage advice. There are a number of sources for advice on marriage and keeping things going well. If you are close to your family and you have watched your parents or siblings enjoy a great marriage you can turn to them when you need advice. Most people do not seek advice until there is a problem to be addressed and you should be looking for advice on marriage before you even get married.

Many people think that they need to get married to be worthwhile in the public’s eyes without realizing that the real reason to get married is to spend the rest of your life with a person that you are truly in love with. In just about any other situation in life you can research online and make truly informed decisions, but with marriage you do not have any tried and true sources to go to. There are any number of so called marriage experts that you can go to for advice, but most of them address conflict and do not give you practical advice on getting started from day one in your marriage to build the best base for a life long partnership.

Truly understanding what you partner desires in life and how they communicate is a good way to start working on your marriage. Communicating without conflict and condescension is extremely important. Too many men feel that they know it all and do not look on marriage as a two way street and a cooperation of equal partners. Whether the man is the sole income provider or not makes no difference in the importance of each spouse’s role. There have been studies that show if you had to pay for the services provided for a stay at home mom she would need to pull down six figures just to pay for what she has to do every single day. This is a true case of outsourcing not being the way to go to reduce expenses. One only has to look at what it costs for daycare to see that it is important to make the stay at home spouse feel that they are appreciated.

The day to day stresses of finances, work problems and dealing with issues with the children can strain the marriage relationship to the breaking point especially if both spouses do not take the time to communicate everything that is going on and address the issues as they come up. The person bringing in the income may not realize that helping with the house hold chores is extremely important and that giving the stay at home spouse time away from the kids is key to keeping everyone sane.

If you are looking for good marriage advice you should start with a counselor recommended by someone you respect at your church. Another great place for advice is a person your respect who already has a good marriage and the time to speak with you about what is happening.

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In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children — so what kind of question is that? The point is that in their relationship, love wasn’t even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.

This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love and marriage: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.

You see, the initial attraction is really about “I.” “I” feel a certain way, so I know I am “in love.” But that part of the relationship is driven by my need to feel that way, my need to be with the other person, my need to have my needs met. My needs are fueled by my desire to feel the intense emotion of “being in love.”

But in reality, love is a verb, something I do for the other. So, it takes the rest of my life to learn how to attend to my spouse’s needs. From my desire to be with my spouse comes my desire to meet my spouse’s love needs.

We are “fooled” into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, and then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say “fooled” because our culture has us believing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point. It is not the destination. It is just a part of the journey to a lifetime relationship.

Those intense feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It’s like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.

So, there has to be some “fueling of the fire.” This is “love,” the verb. When I act in loving ways, I fuel the fire and keep it burning. If I stop tending to the other’s needs because I don’t feel that infatuation, the relationship will slowly (or not so slowly) die away.

When we continue to believe that “love” (infatuation) is the heart of a relationship, when that feeling is gone, we believe we are no longer in love. That is not the case; we have just failed to fuel the fire.

Reality TV has proven that any two people, given the right circumstances and settings, can fall into love (chemistry of infatuation). But story after story shows that it is harder to make the switch to “true love” that comes from action. Choose action, and don’t be fooled by chemistry.

By acting on love, by making love a verb and not an emotion, we keep the emotional fire stoked. And that is the great irony: if we depend on the feeling of being in love to keep us together, it will fail. But if we set that aside and focus on being loving, the feeling of being in love is sustained. Mature love is a verb, not an emotion.

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