Forgiveness can be so difficult for some, and yet it is so important in marriage. No-one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. It’s true some are worse than others, but you can always think ‘there but for the Grace of God’, so none of us are without our weaknesses.
Forgetting a birthday or wedding anniversary is not the end of the world. Yet for some this seems to indicate that their partner doesn’t love them. This small, almost insignificant misdemeanor can be the start of a gradual decline in a marriage, which escalates the longer it goes on.
An affair by either partner can have a devastating effect upon any marriage, particularly if it’s been ongoing. This is an extremely difficult thing to forgive, but before you start laying the blame it may be a good idea to consider the circumstances.
If your partner begs forgiveness and wants to continue in the marriage, then you must decide if you are able to forgive and forget. Bear in mind this won’t be easy, but it can be done.
You have to be prepared to rebuild the trust you once had together, and to move on. This can be very difficult initially, but the more suspicious you are of your partner’s every move, the more you will be driving them further away.
Take up interests different from each other so that you always have interesting things to talk to each other about.
Get dressed up and go out to dinner together for a romantic evening, even if it’s only once a month. This can help to reignite the feelings you had for each other at the beginning of your marriage.
Laugh a lot. I think this is probably one of the most important aspects in any marriage. Laughter makes you feel good, and whether it’s about something quite ridiculous, or over a serious matter, laughter can bring you together quicker than anything else.
Do things together that you would never have dreamt of doing before. Go hang gliding, fly a plane, go hiking or deep sea diving, whatever gets you involved in something together. Just think of all the fun you can have, and all the laughter.
The old saying goes ‘a trouble shared is a trouble halved’ and that is absolutely true. So if your problems are to do with losing your job, financial, or health issues, you can be certain they won’t be solved by keeping them to yourself. The build-up of frustration or anger can only result in confrontation, and this will get you nowhere.
On the other hand if you sit down and talk about the problems you’re facing, you can work them out together and move on.
Don’t expect too much. This is often the biggest problem when one gets married thinking everything is going to be a like a fairy tale. Life isn’t like that, and your partner won’t be perfect and won’t always do things the way you want.
In his book, Save the Marriage, Dr. Baucom details a great plan for not only restoring trust in a marriage once it has been betrayed, but how to make the marriage stronger than it’s ever been. He even goes on to say that couples who have been through an affair and survived one year, have a better chance of avoiding a divorce than those couples who have never had to deal with infidelity. Forgiveness is important, and this book can help you find it in yourself, while maintaining the accountability that is needed after a break of trust.
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