Trust is a difficult thing to attain and once it’s been broken is even more difficult to regain. However, if you really want to fix your marriage and save it from divorce, then you can work slowly towards creating a happy marriage once again.

The first thing to consider is what caused you to lose your trust in the first place. There has to be an understanding between both partners as to what led up to the problem. By talking about it and discussing the where’s and why’s you can work out how to try and rebuild the trust between you again.

There is no quick fix answer to lack of trust. Once you feel uncertain about your partner there is a constant feeling of doubt which is difficult to eliminate. It therefore has to be a joint effort and continuous openness in order to regain the feeling of security you once had.

Below are four ways of facing the problem and trying to overcome it:

  1. You have to be prepared to forgive and to move on. If you are constantly feeling bitterness towards your spouse you will not be able to work together to rebuild the trust.
  2. Talk, talk, talk. So often couples drift apart because they don’t talk to one another any more. By discussing your feelings and problems you can help each other to build a closeness and trust and feel secure in the knowledge that you’re helping each other to overcome any problems together.
  3. Curb your suspicions and jealousy. Don’t watch and accuse every time your spouse is home late or spending time talking to someone else. Over possessiveness can lead to a feeling of claustrophobia and the instinct then is to run. You have to let go, and learn to trust again.
  4. Try to keep the interest alive in the marriage by doing things together. Even making time to sit and dine together by candlelight one evening a week can help to reignite the romance you feel you may have lost.

Apart from your partner’s indiscretions which originally caused the problem, be it financial, another partner, or whatever other reason, you should also look to yourself. Could it be that you have in some way contributed to the situation.

Of course, at the same time, your spouse must be completely transparent. If they even seem to be hiding something, they are not making the effort that they should be making to earn your trust. For couples with trust issues, I highly recommend the book, Save the Marriage. This book lays out a plan for both the “guilty” party and the “hurt” spouse. It talks about how you have to step back from the problem and focus on the marriage. The step-by-step plan it gives can even help a couple recover from an affair… even make the marriage stronger afterwards than it ever was before. Click here to read more about this book…

Trust is a difficult thing to define, but to a certain extent we all want to feel we can rely on someone completely before we commit to them. The fact that this doesn’t always work out does not mean it can’t be rectified, and if there was once a deep love then it’s definitely worth trying to overcome the problems together for the sake of your family and to fix marriage.

Remember though, it’s a two way solution and you must both commit to it completely for it to work. You can fix a marriage after trust has gone, but it will take time and patience and a great deal of self searching. If the love is still there it’s worth the effort.

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