My husband said he hates me? Does he really, or was it just words said in a moment of anger? How many times do we say things we don’t literally mean but which can be extremely hurtful nonetheless. What brings someone to the point where they feel such frustration and fury that they say such awful things to their partner?
When a couple stops sleeping together, argue all the time and appear to have lost interest in each other, then it seems inevitable that their marriage will end in divorce. This need not necessarily be true however, and many marriages have been brought back from the brink by simply changing attitudes and expectations.
Being subservient to your partner and pleading with them can cause a great deal of damage in any partnership. You lose your dignity and self respect. If you can’t respect yourself, how can you expect your partner to do so?
Relying totally on another human being for your happiness is destructive, and will eventually kill any feelings they may have had for you.
If your husband has become distant and aloof, then the time has come to look at your behaviour and see what may have caused it. Do you cling to him too much, do you need his attention all the time, can you make decisions for yourself or do you rely totally upon him?
On the other hand have you become distant, are you not interested in listening to him any more, do you not bother with yourself, and have the children become your overriding priority to the detriment of your marriage?
Whatever the cause, there is always a way to solve the problem.
A good way to start is to make your lives more interesting. It’s easy to settle into the boring routines which can rule our lives. Get dressed up, go out with friends, laugh about stupid things, and be your own person.
An interesting person is someone who indulges in their own pursuits and is cheerful and busy. Not everything has to revolve around the home and children. You are after all a person in your own right, and need to retain a certain amount of independence.
Changing the way you look from time to time can be exciting for your husband. A new hair cut or a different dress style can make all the difference to a failing marriage.
Take an interest in his hobbies or pastimes and indulge in them together. Take up a new interest and meet friends for a night out.
Change the bedroom routine, and give your sex life a boost by dressing for the occasion, and introducing new techniques. Don’t leave it to your husband to always be the instigator of a sexual evening together. Tell him how wonderful and strong he is in bed, that’s always a good booster for his ego.
If you want to, show your husband you love him but not in a needy way, and try to retain some mystery in the relationship.
These are just a few ideas of things you can do to begin to reconnect with your husband when he seems distant. In his book, Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom talks quite a bit about rebuilding the “WE” in a marriage. He lays out a clear, easy to follow plan for turning back a marriage… making it more about you as a couple (WE) than two individuals. He also warns of the pitfalls, the things you should never do at the risk of driving your husband further away. Before giving up on your husband, I highly recommend this book. Click here to check it out…
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