Well, I’m guessing they were a couple.
They came in together. They left together. But they weren’t really sitting next to each other. There was room for at least two large people between them.
Both the man and the woman sat through church with folded arms. They never even turned their heads towards one another.
I don’t know what their argument was about. It might have been huge. It may have been something small that snowballed. I do know that whatever was going on between them wrecked their weekend – if not more.
Have you ever been there? Are you there now?
It’s pretty easy to let an argument turn into anger. Once there’s anger towards your spouse, it’s easy to let that anger mess up your day, your weekend, or even your marriage.
When there’s an argument or conflict, we tend to see it as you -vs- me. In order for the conflict to be resolved, one of us wins, and one of us loses.
Even in a compromise, one gives more than the other.
It’s impossible for there to be balance.
I’m not going to pretend that there’s a one-size-fits-all solution, but this is how I try to look at conflict in marriage.
There are actually three parties involved in any conflict in a marriage. There’s the husband, there’s the wife, AND there’s the marriage.
What this means is, that when you are angry with your husband for what he said or did, don’t let that anger affect your marriage (the third party). You MUST continue doing the things you should do as a wife to maintain a healthy marriage – for the marriage. You have to talk. You have to love. You even have to sit next to your husband in church.
This doesn’t mean that you have to sweep problems under a rug.
Sometimes issues have to be tabled until later. That’s fine. Don’t let these tabled issues wreck the time in between, though.
It’s hard to “give” when you’re angry.
But remember, you’re doing it for the third party.
Not for that jerk over there.
If you struggle with this, take a look at Save the Marriage. In it, Dr. Baucom gives some awesome advice on how to work on the “WE” in marriage. This is exactly what I’m talking about above.
Again, it’s not always easy, but it’s easier with a roadmap.
Tagged with: conflict in a marriage
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