Some women are lucky enough never to have to ask the question, “how do I know if my husband still loves me?” However, there are many men who find it difficult to express their feelings in words and this can lead to his partner feeling unsure of his love for her.

As time goes by in a marriage, a man often doesn’t think it necessary to tell his wife how much he loves her. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lost interest, it’s just that men think it unnecessary to keep reassuring their spouse how much they mean to them.

Women generally are far more outgoing in expressing themselves and can’t understand why men aren’t the same, but men are generally far more reserved.

By taking care of his family and providing for them, a man is showing his love for them in the best way he can. He may not necessarily always say what you want to hear, but he will show it in the things he does for you and the children and in little gestures of affection.

If he still wants to be with you and do things together then he obviously still has the love for you or he would make excuses and not be around so much.

If you feel you’re losing his affection then try to understand what’s causing him to be distracted and do something about it. He may be preoccupied with problems at work, in which case it helps to have someone to talk it over with.
Don’t forget to greet him when he comes home with enthusiasm and a smile. How nice to open the door to a warm welcome rather than a tired and grumpy one. If you want to keep your husband’s love you have to make the home a haven at the end of the day for both of you. A happy atmosphere makes so much difference to your soul, and helps you to overcome so many things in life.

Love grows and deepens when you share things together and respect each other’s need for space. Marriage doesn’t mean you have to be in each other’s pockets all the time. Different activities and interests keep a marriage alive and make it grow.

Realizing when your husband is worried or unhappy means you care about him, and the same applies in reverse. If your husband doesn’t see when you’re unwell or feeling tired, then something is missing in your relationship and it’s time to rectify it.

Don’t take him for granted, but don’t become part of the furniture in his life either. Love has to be fed or it will die and if you are endeavouring to keep the marriage harmonious then his love will continue to thrive. You will see this in the way he looks at you, and in the things he does for you.

How do you know if he still loves you? If you laugh and love together, then you will know.

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Marriage is sometimes entered into lightly, but the reality is that it’s a commitment which needs nurturing and patience in order to be successful. The secrets to a long and happy marriage are not really secrets at all, just knowing how to retain the love and friendship which brought you together in the first place.

1. If you get married thinking you can change your partner into someone else, forget it! You were undoubtedly attracted to them in the first place because of who they were, so why should you want them to change? Adapt yourself to fit in with your spouse if you want your marriage to succeed.
2. Whatever happens, don’t stop talking to each other. A problem shared is a problem halved so the saying goes, and it is definitely true in a marriage. Whatever your difficulties they can be sorted out together rather than apart.
3. Don’t stop being intimate with one another. Love and affection are so important in order to keep the spark alive in a marriage. Sex is important, but so is holding each other and considering the other’s needs and desires in a sexual relationship.
4. No-one is perfect, not even you! You should already know some of your spouse’s so called flaws before you marry, but sometimes in a domestic situation they can suddenly seem to have blown out of proportion. Learn to accept them, or subtly try to point them out, but never let them become a barrier in your relationship.
5. The worst thing anyone can do to someone close to them is to totally ignore them. The feeling of worthlessness this creates can cause a multitude of problems. In order for your marriage to remain a happy one, you must always appreciate the other’s point of view and make allowances.
6. Arguing is all part and parcel of living with someone. You can’t always agree no matter how close you are to one another. Don’t let the arguments get out of hand though, and don’t let them fester.
7. It’s important to retain the part of yourself which is outside of the marriage. So don’t let your friends disappear, keep up your relationships and spend time with them. It will also give you things to talk about when you get home.
8. Don’t take each other for granted. Don’t expect your spouse to automatically always do the chores or to accept your bad moods. Consider their feelings, and their daily tasks, and offer to help out.
9. Try to have time to yourselves when you can sit in a romantic setting and enjoy each other’s company as you did before you were married. It will remind you of why you got together in the first place, and will also help to create a deep friendship.
10. Whatever problems you encounter, and however awful they may seem at times, try to find it in your heart to forgive each other. A long and happy marriage is often built on the art of being able to forgive.

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In any marriage there comes a time when, for whatever reason, things become strained and arguments develop. In some ways it’s healthy to have disagreements, but when they start to take over the happy marriage you once new then it’s time to do something about it.

Below are six things that can cause a marriage to disintegrate:

• Spending too much time away from home and each other, either working or mixing with friends, doesn’t help a relationship. It’s inevitable that a spouse will feel neglected and start to wonder what the attraction is that keeps you away from home.
• Sex is important in any marriage as the intimacy between two people binds you closer together. If the sex becomes less and less then the chances are your feelings for each other will diminish and you will feel isolated.
• Financial problems are often a major cause of disharmony in a marriage. However, if you don’t try to work the issues out together your marriage will not survive. The first thing to do is assess the situation and see where the problem lies. Help each other to overcome the problem and face up to whatever needs to be done.
• Don’t let yourself go. A scruffy appearance and unclean habits can be a big turn off. It really doesn’t take that much effort to keep yourself looking good and it’s as much for yourself as your partner. By making the effort every day to look your best you will feel more confident and happier inside. A disciplined daily routine can be achieved no matter what your situation and will keep your interest in each other alive.
• Being affectionate does not always come easily to some people, but if you want to retain that initial feeling you had for each other it’s important to show affection. Everyone likes to feel loved, and it’s not enough to say ‘well you know I love you’. As the song from ‘My Fair Lady’ says…..”show me!”.
• Arguments are inevitable in any marriage, but to carry the grudge around with you, and perhaps sulk for days on end, is very destructive. It builds up even more aggression and makes it impossible to let go. It really isn’t that difficult to say ’sorry’ and that one little word can make all the difference in the world.

A happy marriage is built on compromise, talking, listening, being prepared to not always be right, and sharing problems together. No problem is insurmountable if you face it together and work to ease the burden of it as one.

Marriage is not an easy institution, but then nothing that’s worthwhile ever is. You cannot expect to be happy ever after if you’re not prepared to put everything you have into the union and face up to whatever comes your way. It’s easy to lose sight of your hopes and dreams when life becomes difficult, but together you can overcome most things if you really want to.

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My daughter was recently in her school’s performance of Fiddler On TheRoof. She was one of the daughters. If you don’t know the story, it focuses on the changing culture of marriage, from one where the marriage is arrainged by family and community to one based on mutual attraction.

In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children — so what kind of question is that? The point is that in their relationship, love wasn’t even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.

This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love and marriage: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.

You see, the initial attraction is really about “I.” “I” feel a certain way, so I know I am “in love.” But that part of the relationship is driven by my need to feel that way, my need to be with the other person, my need to have my needs met. My needs are fueled by my desire to feel the intense emotion of “being in love.”

But in reality, love is a verb, something I do for the other. So, it takes the rest of my life to learn how to attend to my spouse’s needs. From my desire to be with my spouse comes my desire to meet my spouse’s love needs.

We are “fooled” into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, and then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say “fooled” because our culture has us believing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point. It is not the destination. It is just a part of the journey to a lifetime relationship.

Those intense feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It’s like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.

So, there has to be some “fueling of the fire.” This is “love,” the verb. When I act in loving ways, I fuel the fire and keep it burning. If I stop tending to the other’s needs because I don’t feel that infatuation, the relationship will slowly (or not so slowly) die away.

When we continue to believe that “love” (infatuation) is the heart of a relationship, when that feeling is gone, we believe we are no longer in love. That is not the case; we have just failed to fuel the fire.

Reality TV has proven that any two people, given the right circumstances and settings, can fall into love (chemistry of infatuation). But story after story shows that it is harder to make the switch to “true love” that comes from action. Choose action, and don’t be fooled by chemistry.

By acting on love, by making love a verb and not an emotion, we keep the emotional fire stoked. And that is the great irony: if we depend on the feeling of being in love to keep us together, it will fail. But if we set that aside and focus on being loving, the feeling of being in love is sustained. Mature love is a verb, not an emotion.

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