If you feel your marriage is failing the chances are you’re not communicating with your partner, or your communication is in the form of continuous arguments.
The reasons for the disintegration of a marriage are varied, but there are things you can do to try to solve the problems that have gradually made the partnership a miserable one.
-
Talk to each other. Ask each other what they dislike about things in the marriage and see how they can be resolved. Discuss problems sensibly and try to solve them together. Talk and most of all listen. You may not like what you hear, but if you’re open with each other, you’re on the first step to solving the problems.
Read the rest of this entry
Hot search phrases:
If you got married in a Church, the chances are you vowed to love one another “till death do us part”. At the time it was probably said with the intention of fulfilling that vow, but life has a way of changing things which can cause us to grow apart. The question is how do we save Christian marriage?
Living with another person challenges us in many different ways. We have to learn to tolerate their ways and come to terms with the fact that they may not be as perfect as we would like.
However, there was a reason you married in the first place, and hopefully that was because you loved them for what they were. Your Christian belief probably brought you together, so believe that it will also help you to solve your marital problems. Read the rest of this entry
Hot search phrases:
Trust is a difficult thing to attain and once it’s been broken is even more difficult to regain. However, if you really want to fix your marriage and save it from divorce, then you can work slowly towards creating a happy marriage once again.
The first thing to consider is what caused you to lose your trust in the first place. There has to be an understanding between both partners as to what led up to the problem. By talking about it and discussing the where’s and why’s you can work out how to try and rebuild the trust between you again.
There is no quick fix answer to lack of trust. Once you feel uncertain about your partner there is a constant feeling of doubt which is difficult to eliminate. It therefore has to be a joint effort and continuous openness in order to regain the feeling of security you once had.
Below are four ways of facing the problem and trying to overcome it:
- You have to be prepared to forgive and to move on. If you are constantly feeling bitterness towards your spouse you will not be able to work together to rebuild the trust.
- Talk, talk, talk. So often couples drift apart because they don’t talk to one another any more. By discussing your feelings and problems you can help each other to build a closeness and trust and feel secure in the knowledge that you’re helping each other to overcome any problems together.
- Curb your suspicions and jealousy. Don’t watch and accuse every time your spouse is home late or spending time talking to someone else. Over possessiveness can lead to a feeling of claustrophobia and the instinct then is to run. You have to let go, and learn to trust again.
- Try to keep the interest alive in the marriage by doing things together. Even making time to sit and dine together by candlelight one evening a week can help to reignite the romance you feel you may have lost.
Apart from your partner’s indiscretions which originally caused the problem, be it financial, another partner, or whatever other reason, you should also look to yourself. Could it be that you have in some way contributed to the situation.
Of course, at the same time, your spouse must be completely transparent. If they even seem to be hiding something, they are not making the effort that they should be making to earn your trust. For couples with trust issues, I highly recommend the book, Save the Marriage. This book lays out a plan for both the “guilty” party and the “hurt” spouse. It talks about how you have to step back from the problem and focus on the marriage. The step-by-step plan it gives can even help a couple recover from an affair… even make the marriage stronger afterwards than it ever was before. Click here to read more about this book…
Trust is a difficult thing to define, but to a certain extent we all want to feel we can rely on someone completely before we commit to them. The fact that this doesn’t always work out does not mean it can’t be rectified, and if there was once a deep love then it’s definitely worth trying to overcome the problems together for the sake of your family and to fix marriage.
Remember though, it’s a two way solution and you must both commit to it completely for it to work. You can fix a marriage after trust has gone, but it will take time and patience and a great deal of self searching. If the love is still there it’s worth the effort.
Hot search phrases:
In any marriage there comes a time when, for whatever reason, things become strained and arguments develop. In some ways it’s healthy to have disagreements, but when they start to take over the happy marriage you once new then it’s time to do something about it.
Below are six things that can cause a marriage to disintegrate:
- Spending too much time away from home and each other, either working or mixing with friends, doesn’t help a relationship. It’s inevitable that a spouse will feel neglected and start to wonder what the attraction is that keeps you away from home.
- Sex is important in any marriage as the intimacy between two people binds you closer together. If the sex becomes less and less then the chances are your feelings for each other will diminish and you will feel isolated.
- Financial problems are often a major cause of disharmony in a marriage. However, if you don’t try to work the issues out together your marriage will not survive. The first thing to do is assess the situation and see where the problem lies. Help each other to overcome the problem and face up to whatever needs to be done.
- Don’t let yourself go. A scruffy appearance and unclean habits can be a big turn off. It really doesn’t take that much effort to keep yourself looking good and it’s as much for yourself as your partner. By making the effort every day to look your best you will feel more confident and happier inside. A disciplined daily routine can be achieved no matter what your situation and will keep your interest in each other alive.
- Being affectionate does not always come easily to some people, but if you want to retain that initial feeling you had for each other it’s important to show affection. Everyone likes to feel loved, and it’s not enough to say ‘well you know I love you’. As the song from ‘My Fair Lady’ says…..”show me!”.
- Arguments are inevitable in any marriage, but to carry the grudge around with you, and perhaps sulk for days on end, is very destructive. It builds up even more aggression and makes it impossible to let go. It really isn’t that difficult to say ‘sorry’ and that one little word can make all the difference in the world.
A happy marriage is built on compromise, talking, listening, being prepared to not always be right, and sharing problems together. No problem is insurmountable if you face it together and work to ease the burden of it as one.
Marriage is not an easy institution, but then nothing that’s worthwhile ever is. You cannot expect to be happy ever after if you’re not prepared to put everything you have into the union and face up to whatever comes your way. It’s easy to lose sight of your hopes and dreams when life becomes difficult, but together you can overcome most things if you really want to.
To learn even more ways you can keep the love in your marriage, click here.
