In any marriage there comes a time when, for whatever reason, things become strained and arguments develop. In some ways it’s healthy to have disagreements, but when they start to take over the happy marriage you once new then it’s time to do something about it.

Below are six things that can cause a marriage to disintegrate:

• Spending too much time away from home and each other, either working or mixing with friends, doesn’t help a relationship. It’s inevitable that a spouse will feel neglected and start to wonder what the attraction is that keeps you away from home.
• Sex is important in any marriage as the intimacy between two people binds you closer together. If the sex becomes less and less then the chances are your feelings for each other will diminish and you will feel isolated.
• Financial problems are often a major cause of disharmony in a marriage. However, if you don’t try to work the issues out together your marriage will not survive. The first thing to do is assess the situation and see where the problem lies. Help each other to overcome the problem and face up to whatever needs to be done.
• Don’t let yourself go. A scruffy appearance and unclean habits can be a big turn off. It really doesn’t take that much effort to keep yourself looking good and it’s as much for yourself as your partner. By making the effort every day to look your best you will feel more confident and happier inside. A disciplined daily routine can be achieved no matter what your situation and will keep your interest in each other alive.
• Being affectionate does not always come easily to some people, but if you want to retain that initial feeling you had for each other it’s important to show affection. Everyone likes to feel loved, and it’s not enough to say ‘well you know I love you’. As the song from ‘My Fair Lady’ says…..”show me!”.
• Arguments are inevitable in any marriage, but to carry the grudge around with you, and perhaps sulk for days on end, is very destructive. It builds up even more aggression and makes it impossible to let go. It really isn’t that difficult to say ’sorry’ and that one little word can make all the difference in the world.

A happy marriage is built on compromise, talking, listening, being prepared to not always be right, and sharing problems together. No problem is insurmountable if you face it together and work to ease the burden of it as one.

Marriage is not an easy institution, but then nothing that’s worthwhile ever is. You cannot expect to be happy ever after if you’re not prepared to put everything you have into the union and face up to whatever comes your way. It’s easy to lose sight of your hopes and dreams when life becomes difficult, but together you can overcome most things if you really want to.

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Technorati Tags: how to save marriage, marriage advice, save your marriage

It’s disheartening to know that there are lots of unhappy marriages out there and many end up in messy divorces. The fact is, getting is a divorce is not the usual solution when a marriage hits rock bottom. There are many ways to save marriage. If both partners are committed to save their relationship, they can always seek help from a reputable counselor.

Aside from counseling services, there are other practical tips on how to save marriage. Take note of the following, for this will help you.

* Learn to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every relationship has its own share of problems, and there are those that are so massive that it will threaten your relationship as a whole. This is all very natural. A couple must learn how to overcome all their problems and keep the marriage intact. Those couples who seek perfection will be doomed to deep disappointment. People will always make mistakes and they must learn how to fix them, especially if they are in a marriage.

* Good communication is essential. Couples who can’t communicate openly always experience problems in their relationship. Being honest with your partner is one of the most important ingredients when it comes to saving marriage. Issues of all kinds can be resolved with the right amount of communication.

* Learn how to compromise with your partner. There is a reason why compromise is considered an art, and for a good reason. It’s not easy finding a middle ground between two people and their principles in order to come up with something that both of them can live with. Marriage is all about compromise, actually. You can’t afford to be selfish when you’re married. There are times that you will have to give way, and there are situations that your partner will have to do the same.

* It’s all about commitment. Remember that marriage is like having a car. If the car breaks down, you just don’t say that you want to get rid of the car, do you? You will do all you can to fix it, of course. Getting rid of a car is usually the last resort, and this is only done when the damage is truly beyond hopeless. How to save marriage relies largely on the amount of commitment that both partners put into it. It just won’t work if one is disinterested in making things work.

Of course, there are marriages that can’t be saved no matter what measures are taken. There are issues that can’t really be solved no matter how much help is extended by counseling. In these cases, divorce can be considered. Just as it’s not good to dissolve a union, it’s also not a good thing to keep two people who are at odds with each other in a relationship. It’s great to know that there are many ways to save a marriage, but again, some things can’t be resolved and such relationships are meant to be dissolved.

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The first step when it comes to dealing with marital issues is to recognize that there is indeed a problem between you and your partner. There are many ways on how to save a marriage, but you will have to start off with this very basic question. After all, how will you deal with a problem correctly if you do not admit that the problem exists? If you do admit that there is a problem, you should ask yourself, “Do I want to save this marriage?”

Let’s assume that do, because you wouldn’t waste time reading this if you don’t. In order to correct your marital problems, here are some simple and practical rules on how to save marriage.

1. You should be totally honest with yourself when it comes to your intentions. Usually, people who ask questions on how to save marriage have either of the following intentions: to protect or to learn. Maybe your intention is to protect yourself from fears by using behavior that can control your partner. This involves criticism, blame, anger and resistance, among many others. Maybe having control over your mate is more important to you than being a more loving person to yourself and your spouse.

Or maybe your primary intention is to learn how to love your partner better. Maybe you are interested in how to save a marriage because understanding your spouse is more important to you than having your way all the time. Needless to say, this intention is the one needed to save your relationship. You should have this way of thinking in order to make your union work.

2. You should learn to let go of the past. Many couples commit the mistake of hanging on to their past grievances and hold a grudge against each other for as long they could. This will not make room for love and improvement to grow in the relationship. Focusing on the present is one of the most essential rules on how to improve how you relate to each other.

3. Both of you should try to be open to learning about that it takes to make your marriage work. There is no use trying to resolve things if one partner is not receptive and fully cooperative in solving problems.

4. Avoid over analyzing each other. Picking on each other’s behavior usually results to conflict between partners. Both parties should learn when to ask questions and when to keep quiet. It’s only natural that there are things that you will disagree on; you are two different people after all. Reaching a realistic compromise is necessary for two people to live peacefully and lovingly with each other.

5. Love yourself. This may be a cliche for many of you, but it’s so true that you can’t love another person the right way if you don’t love yourself completely. Self-acceptance is an important factor on how to save marriage. Only when you accepted your own faults can you actually learn to give way and accept the faults of another.

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Like they always say, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. While of course, love is definitely important in keeping a couple together, it still takes more than that to keep a marriage rock solid. Especially now when there are a lot of different factors that can definitely negatively affect a relationship if the couple lets it.

Work, other people, time, distance, pet peeves – if you are not strong enough to go pass through these – and more then you are not that committed on saving your marriage. So what’s a person to do if he or she is still hell bent on ensuring that there’s still a marriage to save in the first place? Here are the top three things that you can do to save a marriage from falling apart and in the process, realizing why it is still all worth it.

Tip #1 Have a heart to heart talk: of course in order to be able to solve your marital problems, you both need to be crystal clear about all the issues that concerns your marriage. Never expect your partner to be able to read your mind. Of course, it is a romantic thing to think that your partner should know you best, but let’s face it, only you can ever know yourself best so if you want your partner to be understand you better, tell him or her how you feel – how you really, truly feel. Of course you need not go on condescending your partner by going through a litany of reasons why he or she is less than perfect. Being honest does not automatically mean that you can be rude to your partner. Think about it, how would you feel if he or she relentlessly picks on you? Not good right? So remember the golden rule, ‘don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you’. This way, instead of going through another fight and being all defensive, the two of you will really be able to talk instead of just having yet another argument.

Tip#2 Forgive and forget: while yes, this is easier said than done but what have you really got to lose? Do not let your pride get in the way as you are doing this not just to make your marriage work but most importantly, you are doing this for the person whom you wholeheartedly committed to spending the rest of your life with. People make mistakes and these mistakes often hurt relationships but it does not mean that you shouldn’t be able to survive through it. If you really truly care and love your partner – and if he or she really is trying to his or her best to make up for the mistakes that he or she has committed, then why won’t you give your relationship another chance? Don’t just forgive your partner, also forget about the bad things that has happened – this will make moving on and working on your marriage a whole lot easier for the both of you.

Tip #3 Creating new memories together: after all has been said, forgiven, and forgotten, it is time for you and your spouse to create a new foundation for your marriage. Instead of wallowing in the past, start creating new – and happy memories together to show that you really want you truly are sincere in making your marriage work. Even if you do not have the budget – or the time for it right now, you can still start making wonderful memories.

Why not start at home? Make your spouse breakfast in bed or compliment him or her on something – and mean it of course, or just make sure to be home by dinner time. Little things certainly mean a lot and if soon enough you’ll realize that those little things have actually become a habit – meaningful habits that will keep your bond stronger than before.

See, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to come up with ways to save a marriage. Sometimes all you just need is to back up from all the animosity and chaos that is currently happening and just take a clearer look at the situation. Soon enough you will realize why working things out and staying together are definitely all worth it.

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