If you feel your marriage is failing the chances are you’re not communicating with your partner, or your communication is in the form of continuous arguments.

The reasons for the disintegration of a marriage are varied, but there are things you can do to try to solve the problems that have gradually made the partnership a miserable one.

• Talk to each other. Ask each other what they dislike about things in the marriage and see how they can be resolved. Discuss problems sensibly and try to solve them together. Talk and most of all listen. You may not like what you hear, but if you’re open with each other, you’re on the first step to solving the problems.
• Don’t suffocate your partner. Everyone needs their own space. If you need to know everything they’re doing, where they’ve been, who they’ve seen, it can be extremely claustrophobic. Being constantly worried about what your partner’s up to can destroy a relationship very quickly.
• Support each other. No matter what problems arise in a marriage, by supporting each other through it you will grow closer and the problems will not overtake your lives.
• Compromise. Today that is almost seen as a rude word, but compromise is important in any relationship. It means you love someone enough to forego your own particular needs from time to time in order to create a happy environment. This has to be done from both sides, and it will help to give you a good basis from which to move forward in the marriage.
• Discipline. Discipline in the way you look after yourself and keep yourself looking as attractive as possible. Keeping the home as a place of warmth and welcoming when you get home at night makes such a difference as to how you both perceive each other. It can be achieved and is well worth the effort no matter how tired you may be at the end of the day.
• Don’t let your children rule your marriage. However much you both love your children they should not dominate your home to the extent that you and your partner never get time for each other. Sharing things together as a family is essential, but at the end of the day it should be time for you and your partner to sit and talk about things together.
• Make time for each other and don’t take one another for granted. No-one knows what tomorrow may bring, so make the most of what you have today. Remember, each day can be lived in utter misery or happily, the choice is yours. Let tomorrow take care of itself and enjoy each other today.
• Keep your interests alive. Don’t become boring. There are wonderful things to see and do in the world, so participate in them as much as possible, both together and apart. Then you can come together at the end of the day and talk about them, keeping your interest in each other alive.

There are many other save marriage tips which will hopefully make you see it’s never impossible to keep your partnership alive. Learn more tips here, and start trying today.

My daughter was recently in her school’s performance of Fiddler On TheRoof. She was one of the daughters. If you don’t know the story, it focuses on the changing culture of marriage, from one where the marriage is arrainged by family and community to one based on mutual attraction.

In one of the songs, the main character asks his wife if she loves him. She replies that for 25 years, she has shared his bed, made his meals, tended his house, raised his children — so what kind of question is that? The point is that in their relationship, love wasn’t even a question or consideration. But after some back-and-forth, they decide that, indeed, they love each other.

This led me to think about what I know about marriage. And here is what I think about the question of love and marriage: we fall in love to get together, then spend the rest of our lives learning to love the other.

You see, the initial attraction is really about “I.” “I” feel a certain way, so I know I am “in love.” But that part of the relationship is driven by my need to feel that way, my need to be with the other person, my need to have my needs met. My needs are fueled by my desire to feel the intense emotion of “being in love.”

But in reality, love is a verb, something I do for the other. So, it takes the rest of my life to learn how to attend to my spouse’s needs. From my desire to be with my spouse comes my desire to meet my spouse’s love needs.

We are “fooled” into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, and then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say “fooled” because our culture has us believing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point. It is not the destination. It is just a part of the journey to a lifetime relationship.

Those intense feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It’s like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.

So, there has to be some “fueling of the fire.” This is “love,” the verb. When I act in loving ways, I fuel the fire and keep it burning. If I stop tending to the other’s needs because I don’t feel that infatuation, the relationship will slowly (or not so slowly) die away.

When we continue to believe that “love” (infatuation) is the heart of a relationship, when that feeling is gone, we believe we are no longer in love. That is not the case; we have just failed to fuel the fire.

Reality TV has proven that any two people, given the right circumstances and settings, can fall into love (chemistry of infatuation). But story after story shows that it is harder to make the switch to “true love” that comes from action. Choose action, and don’t be fooled by chemistry.

By acting on love, by making love a verb and not an emotion, we keep the emotional fire stoked. And that is the great irony: if we depend on the feeling of being in love to keep us together, it will fail. But if we set that aside and focus on being loving, the feeling of being in love is sustained. Mature love is a verb, not an emotion.

It is normal for married couples to start feeling a little bored after years of being married. Infatuation normally passes or fades as the couple starts to face the responsibilities of building a home and raising children. As you spend each day with your spouse, you learn little things about him or her that you might find annoying or even start to resent. The level of intimacy might be decreased as the two of you live each day in the same routine.

Save your marriage from total collapse by spending exclusive time for your partner. If you have just suffered heartbreak after finding out that your spouse carried an affair, it would also be a good idea to go on a retreat. Plan a getaway if you think that your marriage is getting cold, or your sex life is getting stale, or that appreciation is no longer extended, or simply because of boredom.

There are various reasons why you should need to save a marriage as stated above. Going on a retreat with your spouse is a good way to try and repair betrayed trust, reopen communication lines, or simply forge stronger bonds and communicate. Boredom, which brings about feelings of alienation and the lack of affection could be resolved if you and your partner spend some time away.

If you are seriously considering getting a divorce after years of boredom, you owe it to your partner and your children to try and save your marriage before calling it quits. Divorce should be your last resort.

If you are going on retreat to save a marriage, plan it ahead of schedule. Beach resorts or anywhere close to nature would offer a good atmosphere to talk things out with your spouse. Choose someplace serene and peaceful. You could even go back to where you spent your honeymoon to revive memories of your young love.

If you are recovering from an affair-stricken marriage, you and your partner need a quiet place to talk alone. You will be surprised to find out that both of you will be more reasonable if you talk somewhere far away from home.

A retreat is simply a good way to spend some quality time with your partner. You could try out doing things the two of you have not done before. Sing to your spouse, give each other massages, make love as if you were newlyweds, or just hold each other tight. You might even learn new things about your husband or wife that you did not know despite years of being together. It would work best of both of you are willing to save your marriage.

A romantic getaway is a good opportunity to assess yourself as a partner as well. Reflect on your ideals as to what a good spouse should be and weigh whether you are coming up to your own standards. In your retreat, take the time to apologize to your partner for your shortcomings and make it sincere. If you have been hurt, do not expect to be able to forgive right away. But going on a retreat is a good way to start assessing whether your partner deserves a second chance.