If you got married in a Church, the chances are you vowed to love one another “till death do us part”. At the time it was probably said with the intention of fulfilling that vow, but life has a way of changing things which can cause us to grow apart. The question is how do we save a Christian marriage?

Living with another person challenges us in many different ways. We have to learn to tolerate their ways and come to terms with the fact that they may not be as perfect as we would like.

However, there was a reason you married in the first place, and hopefully that was because you loved them for what they were. Your Christian belief probably brought you together, so believe that it will also help you to solve your marital problems.

One of the biggest mistakes in any marriage is to feel that things are going wrong but do nothing about them. Believing they will sort themselves out is a big mistake, as things generally only get worse.

When problems arise, talk to your partner, pray with him/her, and try to understand what is causing the rift. Don’t get bogged down with your own thoughts cutting your partner out. This doesn’t help and will only contribute to your isolation.

Your marriage was blessed by God, and he is always there to guide you. Believe in each other and in the power of God’s love to help you through your problems.

One of the things that often creates the disillusionment in a marriage is boredom. You start off thinking everything is wonderful, and suddenly the day to day existence starts to become boring. You talk less to each other, and before you know it you start feeling as though your life is over.

Keeping your marriage alive is not that difficult. If you have interests then pursue them, either together or separately. That way you will always have things to discuss and laugh over. If you’re involved with the Church there are so many things you can do together to make life interesting.

If you’ve suddenly decided you don’t like certain things your partner does, then talk about it. Don’t argue that will achieve nothing. Discuss your feelings openly, and see if you can come to an amicable solution.

Financial problems can have a traumatic effect upon any marriage, but often these are not insurmountable problems. Once again sitting down and working things out together can bring you closer together.

A Christian marriage is a sacred one, and even if it starts off like a romantic novel, it cannot possibly last with the same intensity. If you believe in your marriage, you will find that by making the effort to understand each other’s points of view, a warm, loving relationship will emerge which will last a lifetime.

Learning to understand each other’s feelings, fears, desires and hopes is so important. Tolerance and understanding, with God’s help, will help to save your Christian marriage. For more ways to save your Christian marriage, click here.

Forgiveness can be so difficult for some, and yet it is so important in marriage. No-one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. It’s true some are worse than others, but you can always think ‘there but for the Grace of God’, so none of us are without our weaknesses.

Forgetting a birthday or wedding anniversary is not the end of the world. Yet for some this seems to indicate that their partner doesn’t love them. This small, almost insignificant misdemeanor can be the start of a gradual decline in a marriage, which escalates the longer it goes on.

An affair by either partner can have a devastating effect upon any marriage, particularly if it’s been ongoing. This is an extremely difficult thing to forgive, but before you start laying the blame it may be a good idea to consider the circumstances.

If your partner begs forgiveness and wants to continue in the marriage, then you must decide if you are able to forgive and forget. Bear in mind this won’t be easy, but it can be done.

You have to be prepared to rebuild the trust you once had together, and to move on. This can be very difficult initially, but the more suspicious you are of your partner’s every move, the more you will be driving them further away.

Take up interests different from each other so that you always have interesting things to talk to each other about.
Get dressed up and go out to dinner together for a romantic evening, even if it’s only once a month. This can help to reignite the feelings you had for each other at the beginning of your marriage.

Laugh a lot. I think this is probably one of the most important aspects in any marriage. Laughter makes you feel good, and whether it’s about something quite ridiculous, or over a serious matter, laughter can bring you together quicker than anything else.

Do things together that you would never have dreamt of doing before. Go hang gliding, fly a plane, go hiking or deep sea diving, whatever gets you involved in something together. Just think of all the fun you can have, and all the laughter.

The old saying goes ‘a trouble shared is a trouble halved’ and that is absolutely true. So if your problems are to do with losing your job, financial, or health issues, you can be certain they won’t be solved by keeping them to yourself. The build-up of frustration or anger can only result in confrontation, and this will get you nowhere.

On the other hand if you sit down and talk about the problems you’re facing, you can work them out together and move on.

Don’t expect too much. This is often the biggest problem when one gets married thinking everything is going to be a like a fairy tale. Life isn’t like that, and your partner won’t be perfect and won’t always do things the way you want. Ask yourself this though, would it be better without them? If the answer is “no,” click here for more advice.

Difficulties in a marriage often start out as something quite insignificant. Eventually these difficulties blow up out of proportion and the stress and loneliness may lead you to seek marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is designed to help a couple resolve their differences. In order to make strides forward it’s necessary for both participants to make the effort required to understand each other’s problems.

A Counselor will adopt different roles during a counseling session. They may just be an observer, or act as a facilitator or mediator. The main object of any counseling is to enable the couple to sort out their issues themselves.

The best way of doing this is to talk openly about issues that are causing grief. These issues may have been festering for quite a while without the other partner having any idea. This will ultimately lead to learning to negotiate around these particular issues and understanding that compromise is often the solution.

In order for any marriage counseling to be successful, both parties must want to resolve the problems and get back the relationship they once had.

It’s so easy to lose sight of one’s dreams when faced with the stresses of everyday life. For this reason its important that the counseling sessions help the couple to reassess their marriage and try to work out when and where it started to falter.

In many cases it has taken a long time for a couple to reach the stage in their marriage where counseling is the only answer. For this reason, it would be unreasonable to expect counseling to resolve the situation quickly. It may take quite some time to unearth all the small but significant things that have eventually led to the the erosion of happiness.

Talking together in a safe environment can help a couple to relax and be less afraid to say things they may otherwise keep to themselves. An unbiased mediator can be the sounding block for grievances. It’s quite possible that once grievances are spoken, they suddenly sound less important. We often build things up in our minds which sound quite silly once we’ve aired them.

This is of course why counseling can be helpful. It creates the opportunity to speak about things we would normally keep bottled up. Also, the realization that your partner has actually been aggravated by something you’ve done, or haven’t done, can make it seem so easy to resolve.

It’s true to say that marriage counseling is not always the answer for some couples. There may be a tremendous gap between their needs in the marriage. In this instance counseling can help to make an inevitable separation easier on both parties. This is very important, particularly when children are involved, as it’s not always possible to think clearly in such a situation.

There’s no doubt that in some cases marriage counseling can be the turning point for couples. If by talking at home it’s not helping to resolve problems, then a third party’s unbiased approach could be the answer. If you’re uncomfortable with talking with someone else, there’s still hope.

The signs are there, and you’re aware that your partner is unhappy, or that you’re feeling miserable in the marriage. Often being aware there’s a problem makes many of us bury our heads in the sand and hope it will get better. This rarely happens and the important thing to remember is that in order to save Christian marriage it’s important to listen to each other.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Strangely enough so many couples fall into a state of not bothering to speak to one another, and the consequence is that ultimately they become strangers.

Think back to the day you walked down the aisle and swore to God that you would love each other forever. What has changed since then to bring about your deep unhappiness in the marriage?

It’s only when you sit down together and try to work out what’s gone wrong that you can begin to both understand and solve the problems.

Whatever problems there are in a marriage, one thing is for sure, you won’t solve them unless you’re prepared to talk and listen to each other.

Try not to lose sight of the love you have for each other. No matter what your circumstances are endeavor to keep the romance alive by doing things together, enjoying each other’s bodies, and laughing and crying together. Remember God joined you, so it’s up to you to work at keeping God’s belief in your marriage alive.

Financial problems, family problems, ill health, are just a few of the things that can put a strain on any marriage. Everyone faces these problems throughout their lifetime, and they’re not always easy to resolve. Learn to be patient and tolerant, and try to keep things in perspective. Trying to understand the other person’s point of view is so important. You may never completely agree, but at least give each other the dignity of being allowed to think the way they do.

You may feel your partner is suddenly becoming attracted to someone else. Or indeed, you may feel attracted to someone else. This is quite normal. You can hardly go through life with blinkers on. Naturally you will see other people you find attractive.

This doesn’t mean you should act upon it. Remember the vows you made to God, and realize also that any relationship will inevitably fall into a routine like state. The attraction is usually born out of the need for ‘something new and exciting to happen’. The fact is that you can make this happen for you with your chosen partner, you don’t need to look elsewhere.

If you let it, life can take away your dignity and self esteem. The answer is don’t let this happen to you or your marriage. Whatever life throws your way, face it together with love and the belief that God will show you the way.

Follow the path you initially began the day you stood in the church, and save Christian marriage.

My husband said he hates me? Does he really, or was it just words said in a moment of anger? How many times do we say things we don’t literally mean but which can be extremely hurtful nonetheless. What brings someone to the point where they feel such frustration and fury that they say such awful things to their partner?

When a couple stop sleeping together, argue all the time and appear to have lost interest in each other, then it seems inevitable that their marriage will end in divorce. This need not necessarily be true however, and many marriages have been brought back from the brink by simply changing attitudes and expectations.

Being subservient to your partner and pleading with them can cause a great deal of damage in any partnership. You lose your dignity and self respect. If you can’t respect yourself, how can you expect your partner to do so?

Relying totally on another human being for your happiness is destructive, and will eventually kill any feelings they may have had for you.

If your husband has become distant and aloof, then the time has come to look at your behaviour and see what may have caused it. Do you cling to him too much, do you need his attention all the time, can you make decisions for yourself or do you rely totally upon him?

On the other hand have you become distant, are you not interested in listening to him any more, do you not bother with yourself, and have the children become your overriding priority to the detriment of your marriage?
Whatever the cause, there is always a way to solve the problem.

A good way to start is to make your lives more interesting. It’s easy to settle into the boring routines which can rule our lives. Get dressed up, go out with friends, laugh about stupid things, and be your own person.

An interesting person is someone who indulges in their own pursuits and is cheerful and busy. Not everything has to revolve around the home and children. You are after all a person in your own right, and need to retain a certain amount of independence.

Changing the way you look from time to time can be exciting for your husband. A new hair cut or a different dress style can make all the difference to a failing marriage.

Take an interest in his hobbies or pastimes and indulge in them together. Take up a new interest and meet friends for a night out.

Change the bedroom routine, and give your sex life a boost by dressing for the occasion, and introducing new techniques. Don’t leave it to your husband to always be the instigator of a sexual evening together. Tell him how wonderful and strong he is in bed, that’s always a good booster for his ego.

If you want to save your marriage, show your husband you love him but not in a needy way, and try to retain some mystery in the relationship.

For more advice on rebuilding the love in your marriage, click here.

Part of the difficulty with marriage is that the only training we get is “on the job.” Rarely do you say to someone, “I want you to go work with those tools in there. Have fun, get the job done, and don’t kill yourself.” But, essentially, that is the start of a marriage. We have some rudimentary skills from relating to others, but the real knowledge and skills are hard-earned.

And the problem is, sometimes we learn lessons that are incorrect, or at least only partially true. These become the myths of our marriages. They are the stories we tell to ourselves in attempts to understand. Unfortunately, they are only partially right, at best. Often, they are totally wrong. Once we learn the stories, we refuse to give them up.

I’ve chosen 5 of the most common myths of marriage. You can decide if you tell yourself these stories, and if so, what you might be missing. Because, you see, the stories we tell ourselves determine how we act and what we assume. And that, ultimately, can either teach you to use the tools or allow you to injure yourself.

MYTH: “Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.”

Lie this leads to: “If it is, maybe we shouldn’t be married.”

This is a powerful story about marriage. People assume that good marriages are easy, and there is no struggle. There is the romantic belief that good relationships “just work.” Science has yet to discover a perpetual energy machine, and I doubt relationships are any different.

This summer, I was at a beach that hosts the annual sea turtle nesting. The large mother sea turtle lumbers up the beach, just above the high-tide mark, right at the base of the sand dunes, digs a hole some 18 inches into the ground, and lays a large group of eggs. Those eggs are left to develop and hatch, usually a couple of months later.

Now, here’s the interesting thing: those tiny turtles (maybe 3 inches long) have to make the long trek from the nest to the sea. The long trek for the mother turtle is very long for the baby turtle. Some people have felt bad for the turtles in the past, and decided to help them to the surf.

By being picked up and carried to the surf, the “helpers” insured the death of the baby turtles. You see, that long trek to the sea builds the muscles in the flippers of the baby turtle. Those muscles are all that ensure the survival of the babies.

Some struggle (not too much) is necessary for developing the muscles of survival. It is true with relationships, and certainly true with marriage. When we struggle together, we develop the skills necessary to take on other struggles.

The real task is not to have a marriage that is easy. The real task is to learn how to allow the struggle to move you together, not push you apart. The statistics are pretty clear. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. However, the hidden statistic is that 100% of marriages have difficulties. Staying married is not from a lack of difficulties, it is from using the difficulties to learn and develop.