He met a girl last Friday night at a club while out with his friend and he exchanged phone numbers with her. Well Sunday night he said he needed to make a phone call and went upstairs so I right away became suspicious but did not say anything. I was texting the person he “SUPPOSEDLY” spoke with and they said that was not them he was talking to so I confronted my husband yesterday, well he said it was the girl he met at the club and they have been texting and talking but he told her not to call him anymore that he would call her if he really wants to. So in the meantime he broke down crying Sunday night after the call and said we need to separate for a while so he can work things out in his mind. He said he wants to work this out and that’s why he told her to stop contacting him. Do I believe that they don’t talk NOPE my gut tells me different so while he is out of the house I am having a hard time figuring out if I should just go file for divorce and is my marriage really over.

I definitely need help please??

We’ve been married for 6 years, and things have kind of become difficult over the past two. He never pulls his weight and seemed like he was already checked out of the marriage.

3 weeks ago, I got the “I love you but im not in love with you” speech. That was kind of a wake up call for me, so I started digging. You were right. He’s been seeing a girl from his office.

Since then, I’ve tried to be extra nice to him, but it just feels like I’m pushing him further away. Last night he even told me he thinks he loves her.

Help!?

Here are two things you can do right now:

First, any words, actions, or even thoughts on your part that are disrespectful towards your fiancee must stop. Some part of you has lost respect for him, and you need to work on getting that back.

Second, you MUST completely sever ALL contact with the other man. If you don’t, you’re just feeding your emotional needs at another table. You’ll never even begin looking for these things at home.

The great news is that he’s trying. He might be trying the wrong things, but an effort is worth something. The bad news is that you’ll have to come clean about the affair at some point.

Take a look at Save the Marriage. I realize you’re not married, but any long-term relationship with kids faces the same dynamics. This book will help you find the steps you need to take, and will help you explain better what you need from him.